The Christ Child’s Asleep

Have a blessed Christmas –

From our family to yours…

Love in Him,

Mary & Tim

PS. Peter, in the maroon shirt, is our son…

The Christ Child’s Asleep – song by Swami Kriyananda

A Nun Grading Papers-you will definitely laugh!

My Mom sent these to me – I just had to pass them along

A Nun Grading Papers- you will definitely laugh!

A Nun Grading Papers

CAN YOU IMAGINE THE NUN SITTING AT HER DESK GRADING THESE PAPERS, ALL THE WHILE TRYING TO KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE AND MAINTAIN HER COMPOSURE!

PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU’LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST.

KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.

1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.

2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH’S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.

3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.

4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.

7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD, WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.

8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.

9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.

10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.

11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.

12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.

13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES..

14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.

15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.

16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.

17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.

18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.

19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.

20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.

21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.

22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.

23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.

24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY, WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.

25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.


When Does the Soul Enter the Body?

A lot of people look for this article that I wrote some time ago – so I thought I would post it again here in this scribd format

Beautiful Start to the New Year

Paramhansa Yogananda sends his blessings on World Brotherhood Colonies out into the world. Beverly Hills, California, July 31, 1949

Please be sure to see:  Celebrating the 12 Days of Christmas – at ananda.org – for many beautiful and helpful resources for families.

I am offering this  “Advent for Master’s Birthday” a few days ahead of time to give you a head start.  Read through it – keep it simple…I hope to write out the stories for the future because I realize most people won’t comb through the Autobiography of a Yogi looking for stories. Just jump in and wing it this year…Use the stories that come to mind..

Blessing in the New Year to you and your family,

Mary Kretzmann

PS -You can also read more on Yogananda’s birthday by clickinghere:

Birthday Of Paramhansa Yogananda – Jan. 5

Scroll down- Wait for document to load – and “click” FULLSCREEN if you want to see it full size.

Giving Thanks

As  this special holiday approaches, I find it helps me to help others, especially those less fortunate.

Over this past summer, some friends and I have been helping a group of widows and orphans in Kenya. Because we are a small group – we had to keep the project manageable, so we helped them to acquire some treadle sewing machines, chickens and goats to help support themselves and the children.

This can be an important way of bringing God into your family’s life, too. Below is a photo of the congregation receiving the first 2 goats.

It warms my heart knowing how these simple steps will greatly improve their lives,  and this in turn makes me very grateful for the simple things in my life such as food and shelter and a loving family, and more.

If you want to read more about it, and see more photos, click here:

http://kushona.wordpress.com/category/photos/

If you feel inspired to give a little bit to help with this project, please click here:  Kushona Sisters

http://kushona.wordpress.com/about/

Where two or three are gathered…

This is the sweetest thing I have seen today!

“Where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.”

Matthew 18:20

Divine Mother Healing Prayer

Paramhansa Yogananda taught several healing prayer techniques., and this one is simple but deep, and  suitable to use at prayer time with your children.

You can learn more about “Prayer and Devotion with Children”  by clicking on the link.  It takes you to a chapter that I  wrote on this subject.  In it I  share many things that were helpful to our children, who are now grown up!

And, in closing, remember that Paramhansa Yogananda said,

“Healing depends on the power of the healer, and the receptivity of the patient.”

So simply do your best, and leave the rest in the loving hands of God.

God bless you all.

Joy!

Mary Kretzmann

Ananda Healing Prayer Ministry